so what can I eat?

After trying so many different types of supplements, medicines and prunes, to no avail, I have chosen the hard road. Diet.
I hate that word.
I was sucked into all this by just going gluten free for one week. I did feel a little better. Crap.
So then the next week I went gluten free, and dairy free. I did feel a touch better than before.
Then these last few days I decided to omit eggs as well. And low and behold, I feel better than I have in a long time.
So what do I do now?
I cry. Well, I did cry. And I bought a magazine called "Living Without". Is that a depressing name for a magazine or what? And reading it, I fell apart. So now I can't go out to eat anymore. Or have a Papa Murphey's pizza. Or a sugar cookie... for the rest of my life?
I don't know.
But at least I have people that love me. Karen came over and combed through that magazine. And suggested I get another one for her. My mom asked what would be better, spaghetti or porkchops.
*sigh*
God is good, and I know he has a plan in all this, and I'm praying that he makes it clear to me what I need to do.
More answers to come hopefully, as I get them.

Sanity, what sanity?

Yesterday I was looking for my sanity all day.

Maybe some of it was lost in the frantic scramble to get the knife out of reach of my extraordinarily tall son perched on the kitchen stool while I was preparing lunch. Or maybe it was when the too short dog copied her human sidekick's antics ended up stealing half of Colton's lunch off the counter by way of that stool.

I'm sure I misplaced a bit as I walked around my house at least 3 times looking for my shoes. Or maybe it was lost when I tried to remember yet another Olivia word used to describe God. Was it that he was "splendor-ous", or "spiffy-ness", or "super-lous"? Dang, I hate it when the cuteness is so hard to remember!

While picking up the girls room that evening, I was convinced all sanity had found a way out when I grabbed a pair of Olivia's pants. As I picked them up, I thought, "my, these are heavy." Then, as I held them up in front of me I doubted myself.
What makes me know that they are unusually heavy? Have my arms deceived me? Diapers are heavy when they are wet... but these aren't wet.
It was like I couldn't remember if I'd ever picked up a pair of pants before. There was no explaination as to why they felt so odd.
Then I spotted the golf ball in the pocket. "Oh", I thought "that must be it!" But after removing the ball, I was still bewildered. I patted the pants down, and found a rock in another pocket. As my mind wandered, I found 4 good sized rocks in the many pockets of those sweet, pink pants. With each rock, I gained a small amount of sanity back, and realized that maybe I'm not crazy after all.

Less irritation, more delight

Everything I tried to do went so terribly wrong today.

Breakfast included complaining about scrambled eggs, and having to load the dishwasher "all the time" (insert dramatic 5 year old sigh here).
Our morning devotions were accompanied by Colton folding and stepping all over the bible verse cards, fussing that I wasn't holding him, and mad about wanting more breakfast.
Our phonics game resulted in Colton belly-down, spreading them all over the carpet and getting them lost in the million places things get lost in this house.
Our music lesson lead to more 5 year old attitude than I even knew was possible. I gave up and took a shower leaving Niah crying in the family room because I left before I would say anything I would regret.
Some days, I just want to run away. Even running away to the shower didn't work. I had a little blondie undressed and asking to come in the shower just seconds after I got my hair wet.
Colton only takes one nap now, and each day somehow just got at least 2 hours longer.
Longer, yet so much shorter.
Olivia is not really napping at all anymore either, and I have to really lay down the law to even keep her upstairs for a quiet time. I mean really lay down the law. She has more excuses than I think I could ever think up.
And somehow, my son finds it incredibly horrific to see my arms naked without him in them. Every time he sees me, he is hollering at me to pick him up. My irritation is so abundant, I can't stand it.


Our sin is so apparent when we have little mirrors to look at all day. Could it be that I can hardly stand my own sin and then when I have to deal with 3 other little sinners, I just want to scream? How does God even stand to love me when I struggle to love my own children at times? I think being a mother has only started to open the door to me understanding the vastness of God's love for me. And it is the hugest, most amazingly difficult thing I have ever done...
but ashes compared to God sending his only son to die on a cross to save this sinner.

2 Corinthians 12:9
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Ok, God. Less irritation, more delight. Please help me not to rely on my own strength!
Amen

Brigglet updates

Colton was 17 months old last week. Niah is a lively 5 and Olivia is officially 3 1/2.
Colton is still crawling more than he is walking, but it is getting to closer to a 50/50 ratio. He has managed to smash his mouth to a bleeding state at least 3 times, and I'm amazed his teeth have survived so far. He loves to dance (more like a break dance style since he's shaky on his feet) and is getting really good at saying "no". Oh, and he hates his nose being wiped. Really. I have to physically hold him down with my whole body to capture that slimy goo that tortures his little skin with my kleenex.
Olivia wrote her name yesterday, while I was teaching a piano lesson, and my friend was playing with her. She can write all the letters used in her name, just not in the right order yet. Amazing.
And, Niah amazed me playing with Tangrams today while "playing with mommy" (aka: homeschool). She is starting to get closer to reading, but I'm still waiting for that "wow" moment when she starts reading and my mouth drops open.
Maybe it will happen at the same time Colton decides that walking really is more efficient than crawling.
That would be fun.

Community Spaghetti

Wednesday afternoon, a friend of mine went to her friend's house to pick some of her tomatoes. She left about 15 blood-red beautiful tomatoes sitting on my counter. They were screaming "use me today or else". What was I to do with them?
"Make salsa" my mom suggested
While later talking to another friend on the phone, she suggested making tomato sauce. She said "all you need is Marjoram and basil". In went the Marjoram (that amazingly I had) and basil.
Brad then went online to check out some recipes for me. "Add garlic", he said.
The freshly diced beauties cooked all evening in the crock pot with the garlic, marjoram and basil.

The next morning I added ground beef, but I was concerned that all my effort (and friend's efforts) were going to be wasted as I totally botched this attempt at domestic greatness.

Then another friend came over and said "I usually add a little pre-made sauce to mine"
In went the rest of my Prego pre-made sauce.

Then yet another friend happened to come by that day and said "Hey! Is that spaghetti sauce I smell? My mom says that brown sugar is the secret ingredient." In went the sugar.
And then she preceded to talk me into adding more salt than I would have ever had the courage to add. I reluctantly took off the lid and shook enough salt into it to completely cover the redness of the sauce.

That's when the magic happened.

The sauce was transformed from a bunch of squishy tomatoes to the tastiest spaghetti sauce I have ever had the opportunity to taste.
Free tomatoes + free advice = Amazing dinner.
I love you, my friends. Thank you!

UFO's and desert dogs

As I sit here munching on graham crackers and milk, I'm trying to decide how exactly to begin this next post without attracting some unwanted attention from any animal activist groups. I sometimes can't believe what happens in this house...
So we were going camping, again. Hey, we got this little camper, and we are going to use it gosh darn it! So another quick weekend getaway. Usually I'm getting ready days in advance, but this time, I was feeling a little weary from the previous trips, and a little pompus too I suppose. After all, I am getting good at this, aren't I?
Brad got home at about 3:20 Friday afternoon and I was almost done. The kids were making messes all over the house, but at least they were pretty much out of my hair. Brad asked if we were bringing the dog or if we'd found someone to watch her, when we both realized we hadn't seen her since he got home.
Crap.
I must have left her outside on accident while packing the car 2 1/2 hours before. She doesn't bark, so she won't tell us when she's been locked in the front yard. It's been so long, I know she's gone. Great. Now all my work packing and being ready is wasted. Now we can't leave until we've found that stupid dog! I went outside looking for her and calling her. I knew it was too late, but I was hoping. The car was sitting in the driveway with the Thule on top, sitting in the hot, 80 something degree weather. As I looked toward the car I saw a little pair of tan ears peek up over the back seat of the car. Lady had been stuck in the car for over 2 hours!
To my amazment, she jumped out of the car and my car was in one piece. You have to understand, this dog is half wood-chipper. She can destroy just about anything. I was expecting to see more stuffing than leather, but somehow, she managed to resist the temptation. Maybe it was the heat, and speaking of that, how on earth did she survive that? And she didn't even really drink any water or anything after that!
She ended up staying home with our housesitter, Erica, and I was honestly worried that we really did cook her, but it was like a delayed effect or something and that Erica would come over to a dead dog. No such luck though. Turns out our little desert dog is unfryable.
That night after a nice campfire and social chatting with my parents and the Needhams, Brad and I snuck into the tent trailer to get some much-needed rest. As we pulled up the covers, I said, "I love camping. Isn't it nice to just get away?"
Colton suddenly woke up screaming a few hours later. I opened my burning eyes to climb out of bed and give him a binky or something. He settled back down, and I heard a weird little scritching on the canvas of the trailer. Before I really had time to decode the potential sources of the noise, a large winged thing flew by my head. All desire to find the source of the noise fleeted as I dove into bed in one large movement and threw the covers over my head.
"Brad!" I whispered loudly. "There is something in here!"
Brad groggily woke up and sat up. Apparently it was flying around pretty frantically. I say apparently because I didn't physically see it. I was way too afraid to move. But I sure could hear it. I sounded like a slow hummingbird as it's blackish wings hit the sides and roof of the trailer. Brad ducked as it almost hit him in the head. Thank heavens for husbands. He kept his cool and opened the door with the lantern and it flew out. I would have huddled there in utter fear the rest of the night if I'd been by myself!
That night I'm convinced I was awake more than I was asleep. Did it really fly out? What was that nasty thing anyway, and HOW IN THE WORLD DID IT GET IN HERE!!

The next night was a little less eventful, thankfully. I'd pretty much convinced myself Brad was right, and that whatever visitor we'd had was probably just a really enormous moth.
Brad asked me in the morning how I'd slept. My answer was a relieved "good, actually". After he'd heard that, he revealed to me that after seeing a lot of bats flying down at the water the evening before, he knew that the visitor we had in the trailer was without a doubt, a bat.
Sometimes, ignorance is indeed, bliss.

The first week of school

Homeschool. What a concept. While all my mommy friends send their kids to school and get to experience a little taste of freedom, I keep mine and face the same daily struggle. Am I crazy?

Well, the first week went ok. I've really been up to this "let's do some school" mode for a few weeks now because I was excited to get started. What's funny about it is that I really thought Niah was a pretty compliant child until now. Maybe it's a new stage, but she is sure argumentative about EVERYTHING lately. So now when we have faced maybe 10-20 confrontations a day before we introduced this school thing, now the number is closer to 100. From how she holds her pencil to what shoes to wear to the park, it's constant... and exhausting.

So now I am faced with the new challenges of keeping the floor vaccumed, food in the fridge, beds made, toilets clean, bums wiped, and now lesson plans.

It's terrifying.

So that's when I open my bible, and read. It calms my heart to see again and again the way we are to raise our children plainly written out for us to know and follow. Praise Him for his wonderous grace in revealing to us His character and love. As I am more and more convinced that homeschooling is the best way for me to teach our children the love of our heavenly father, I am still at a loss for words when asked why we do it. I think I'm brave and secure in my faith until I'm questioned. I hate that! I always have that stupid voice whispering in my ear. "Don't say it! They'll think your crazy! You are one of those people. Are you sure you want them to know that?"

"The cross of Christ is foolishness to those who are perishing" is always the verse that enters my mind. I know it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I've been encouraged by Olivia picking up almost everything we are doing. I thought she wouldn't be interested, but it turns out that I have 2 kindergarteners! Exctiting. She loves to participate in everything, except for the cleaning up part! Colton, however is quite a pain. He wants to write on the white board. He wants to play cards. He wants to be in the middle of everything! Oh, Lord help me!

Amidst the frustrations, the dirty floor and the unfolded laundry, there is a silver lining. I am so blessed!

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose"
~ Jim Elliot